so close but so far

There'll always be something beyond my reach.
No matter what I do, no matter what I learn.

Have you ever wanting something so bad that you would do anything to get it even if it involves in loosing everything you have in order to get that one thing.
One thing that you desire so bad.
Sometimes half way through the way of trying to get it you know that one thing is starting to get further away from you as you get close to it.
But you keep on going by telling yourself each second that you will get it and you won't give up.
But as it gets even further away from you, that optimism is strating to fall apart and out of nowhere you are beginning to questioning wether or not you deserve to get that one thing.
And when you realize that you are nothing else but a dog chasing after a car, you become really angry to yourself.
You loath yourself for not able to reach that one thing.

People keep saying you gotta learn to love yourself for whatever you are. But its not that easy is it? Knowing yourself is nothing else but a fuckin failure, how can you love yourself! How can you not despise yourself for going through failure after failure! People think its an easy thing to love yourself! But let me tell you :
Its not!
Not easy at all.
If it is no girl would get a breast implant, nobody would do a nose job, nobody would wear a hair extension. Nobody would wear make up, nobody would be an anaroxic.
And also there will be no word called 'suicide' in dictionary.

For instance mary-kate olsen had got to the point where she saw her twin sister ashley one day and she thought "why can't i be that pretty?"
That's her fucking twin sister! And that's why she became anaroxic!

We never happy are we?

You need to achive something in order to like yourself, you need to work your ass off to impress yourself!
If everything you have only relies on beauty and how you look, trust me you'll end up having nothing.
That's why being pretty has never been my concern. I want something else. I want that one thing that keeps getting further away from me.

Not everybody in this world is lucky.
Why is that?
Maybe if all of us were lucky the lottery company would be fucked up.
Maybe if all of us were lucky the casino would start to shut off one by one.
Maybe that's why.

Its like no matter how I try to please everyone they still don't give a shit anyway! They only give a shit to what's going on with brad pitt and angelina jolie right now, they only concern about what's britney doing right now, or who's robert pattinson dating right now.
Who gives a shit about you want to go to college or university? Who gives a shit about how you're too young to be put into this mad situation where you have to start to think about paying your house bill?
Who gives a shit about how demon your step dad is?
Nothing means shit anymore.

Everything I do is pointless.
I wake up every single day doing the exact same routine! Walking in the same goddamn circle!
I'm not going anywhere.

I'm stuck!
Its like a mouse trying to run but the cat holding its tail down.

I'm like that mouse! I want to go somewhere else! Wanting to break free! Wanting to fucking do something but I know I can never do it.
I can never become what I've always wanted to become!
Everyway is a dead end!